


i think it's strange you never knew

by speedboat



Series: order of operations [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Apple Music/Spotify Discourse, Chipotle, Class Issues, Fluff, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Pining, Queer Themes, Solidarity, This Fic Has Everything, blushy!billy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 21:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19934674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speedboat/pseuds/speedboat
Summary: “Why,” Steve says, without a question mark.“Why?”“Why do you want to get food with me?”“Oh, uh,” Billy flushes impossibly deeper. “Uh, I don’t know. I guess I thought--” He grasps wildly for something that isn’t I like you, I think you’re so hot, I want to blow you next time. “I thought it would be good for the team if we, like, got along better.”“We don’t get along?” Steve asks, and he has this shiteating smirk that makes Billy want to smack him and suck his dick. Such a fucking smartass.or: friends, uh. friends eat food together all the time.





	i think it's strange you never knew

**Author's Note:**

> in the same verse as other fic in this series. not essential to read that, but? you still could, y'know? 
> 
> this series based on that tweet that's like "the modern bases: sex, hanging out when the sun is up, sharing childhood trauma, verbally expressing romantic interest."
> 
> also pls see endnotes for my impassioned blushy!billy defense

After the _incident_ in the Camaro, Steve’s dick is pretty much all that Billy thinks about for two weeks. Like, he’s gotten impossibly gayer in the last fourteen days. Neil’s strategy to contain Billy’s homo tendencies had been to try to sever his ties in San Diego, like Billy was just gay because his friends in California were, and it hadn’t worked, because Neil is a dumb redneck and science has proved that Billy didn’t fucking choose this. 

It feels like October again. He was crazy about his crush on Steve all October, unable to talk about it with anyone like a normal fucking person, simmering beneath the surface with the effort of pretending to sustain interest in Heather or Stephanie. It would come out in all these spontaneous moments in basketball practice, when Billy would get these bursts of embarrassment-wonder-fury all in one. 

And after he thought he’d blown things with Steve at Halloween, Billy had been starting to think that he might be able to make it work with a girl, that at least he wouldn’t be alone. Girls weren’t awful. Billy just didn’t particularly _enjoy_ them in a sexual context. It always felt like something was missing or off and Billy would find himself bored. But he’d really started to think that maybe the solution to the hitting and namecalling and broken mementos was finding some girl he liked as a friend and building from there. And then Steve fucking Harrington had sex with him in the backseat of the Camaro. 

Even though it feels like poking at a bruise, Billy can’t help but remind himself that probably the entire cheer squad has at one point had sex with Steve Harrington after a party and then spent a humiliating two or three weeks daydreaming about the whole thing meaning something to him, only to realize it was just a hookup. Knowing this, even understanding it intimately from , Billy’s crush is still officially back on the rails, hurtling towards disaster. 

But underneath a simple crush is a lonelier truth that sits at the pit of Billy’s stomach, gnawing at him: he would totally never ever have sex with Steve again if it meant that Steve would be his friend. Billy’s only friends. Back in Cali, a good half of Billy’s friend group had been gay or bi or trans, but they also, like, had things in common outside of being queer. There aren’t a lot of out people in Hawkins; there are a few kids in, like, drama or dance, and there’s a tiny GSA that’s pretty much social suicide to attend, but there isn’t a single out person in the circles Billy frequents.

And it’s lonely in the closet. Billy had forgotten, so used to being himself among his friends in Cali. He’d come close to telling _Carol_ about his crush when she mentioned her gay older brother (but before he’d figured out she was the worst gossip at Hawkins High). That was how desperate he was to have someone to talk to. And Billy, now armed with the knowledge that he’s, like, 500% gay and Steve is at least in the 20s, can’t stop looking at him. Across the lunchroom as April creeps into May, in study hall where Steve gazes out the window. The prospect of having someone to talk to, who Billy can be at least more himself with who doesn’t constantly want to talk about musicals or fucking queer theory...it makes something feel lighter inside him. Billy would totally give up thinking about Steve in a sexual manner forever if it meant he had someone to talk to.

Well. 

He’d try to give it up.

The tension between Billy and Steve is upping their play just in time for Districts. In practice, it’s all smack talk, jostling for position. For the most part, Billy plays basketball because it falls in the extremely thin overlap between “things Neil thinks contribute to Billy becoming a healthy and productive young man” and “things that don’t make Billy want to blow his brains out,” but in the past week Billy has found himself actually having _fun_ in practice. Steve doesn’t talk to him, but he looks at him as he passes the ball, raises his eyebrows in a challenge after he scores a three-pointer on Billy.

That little scrap of attention is driving him insane. _You just want to be his friend,_ Billy tells himself. _It can’t hurt to just be his friend._

Billy, nevertheless, finds himself thinking about Steve all the time. Jerking off to the image of his O-face, all gross-hot. Wondering what he likes, the other things Billy could try that would make him make that face again. What’s his favorite color? Billy wonders to himself from the bench on Monday, taking a swig from his water bottle as he watches Steve pull his shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face. What does his room look like?

  


“Harrington!” he can’t stop himself from calling across the parking lot after practice. “Do you want to get food?” 

Steve stops and squints at him, placing a hand over his eyes like a visor.

“What?” he asks. Billy shakes his head and walks closer, until he and Steve are right next to each other, right by the Beemer. 

“Do you want to get food with me?” Billy asks. Steve just stares at him. They’re basically the same height, but under the scrutiny, Billy feels himself shrink a little. 

“Or, uh, not,” Billy says after like ten excruciating seconds with no reply. “Sorry.” 

“Why,” Steve says, without a question mark.

“Why?”

“Why do you want to get food with me?”

“Oh, uh,” Billy flushes impossibly deeper. “Uh, I don’t know. I guess I thought--” He grasps wildly for something that isn’t _I like you, I think you’re so hot, I want to blow you next time._ “I thought it would be good for the team if we, like, got along better.”

“We don’t get along?” Steve asks, and he has this shiteating smirk that makes Billy want to smack him _and_ suck his dick. Such a fucking smartass. 

“Always room for improvement, amigo,” Billy says, trying to lean into the flirtation that he...thinks?...is happening right now. Billy used to flirt with Steve the way he flirts with girls, smooth and charming and emboldened by the knowledge that Steve was straight and he had absolutely _nothing_ to lose. Now... amigo? Like, shut up, Billy, Jesus. 

“Huh,” Steve says, still with this weird mask over his expressions. He’s not frowning, but Billy really just wants to know whether this is something he can pursue.

“So,” Billy finally says. God, these silences are killing him. “Food, or not?”

Steve stares at him again, and Billy feels like he’s standing by the sun. Not in a bad way, exactly. Just...intense. 

“I can’t tonight,” Steve says, and Billy forces his face not to fall. He must flinch a little, though, because Steve softens, leans in a little. “I mean...I have plans already. I have to pick up a friend.” 

Billy’s, like, almost positive this “friend” is one of Max’s munchkin buddies, but whatever. If friends are people who listen to you and care about you and genuinely like you, Billy has exactly zero friends right now, so. Can he really judge?

“Sure, man,” Billy says. “It was just an idea.” He starts to turn away, back towards the Camaro. Even though nothing else came of it, Steve _promised_ he wouldn’t tell anyone about prom night, and Billy trusted Golden Boy to keep his word. He’d maybe wanted to do more with Steve, even if they just hung out as friends or something, but whatever. Billy doesn’t get what he wants very often. 

“Hey,” Steve says. “Can I get your number, though? Maybe another time we can…”

“Yeah,” Billy says, too eager. He kicks himself for it, but still fumbles in his pocket for his phone. 

Billy’s Android is cracked from a pickup basketball mishap, and he tries not to feel embarrassed about it as he trades his phone for Steve’s fancy iPhone to put in his number. “Okay, well. I’ll see you…”

“See you around,” Steve says, giving him a half-wave as Billy turns to walk away. Billy makes sure his back is to him, then squeezes his eyes shut for just a second, trying to tamp down the fireworks going off inside of him.

Steve texts him later that week: _Chipolte tmw??_ and two taco emojis. The text chimes during family dinner, and Billy looks down at his phone just long enough to see Steve H’s contact light up his phone, sending a shiver down Billy’s spine. 

“Phone,” Neil says to Billy, sharp.

“Yessir,” Billy says, trying to stifle the smile that he feels building from his chest. 

After practice on Tuesday, Billy and Steve decide that because the planet is dying and it’s important not to be wasteful and shit, they’re going to carpool to Chipotle. Billy’d love to get a picture of Tommy’s face as he watches Billy climb into the passenger seat of Steve’s BMW. 

“Aux?” Steve says, handing Billy the cord as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“I don’t have music on my phone,” Billy says automatically, which is, okay, mostly a lie. Billy has free Spotify, the kind that plays ads every ten minutes, and there’s no way they’re going to make it to the restaurant without one. 

It’s stupid for Billy to pretend that he’s not poor (or, at least, blue collar) because Steve has to kind of know, from Billy’s generic-brand everything and his falling-apart car. And Billy isn’t, like, ashamed of it, not really. Sometimes he wishes that college looked like it was on his horizon, but mostly Billy is glad that he wasn’t raised to waste money on frivolous shit. 

The pretending almost feels like it’s for Steve’s benefit. Like Billy’s shielding him from knowing how out of touch he is. Maybe. Billy doesn’t really know. 

“Oh,” Steve says. “You can use my phone, then?” 

He hands it over to Billy like it’s nothing. For a second, a crazy part of Billy considers going to Steve’s messages and seeing who else he’s been texting, and then he has to talk himself down with a reminder of _just. friends._

Instead, Billy opens Steve’s Apple Music. He scrolls through the long (long, Jesus) line of playlists until his finger lands on one made in February, called _nance <3 _. Despite the kick to the stomach it gives him, he finds himself opening it.

God. 

_Wild Horses._ _Thinkin’ Bout You_. Fucking _Fade Into You._

“Pick a fucking _song_ ,” Steve whines at him, startling Billy away from his snooping. He finds a playlist called _sweet beats_ and presses play. 

Steve is maybe the most annoying person on the planet, Billy considers as he watches him order his burrito bowl with “like, one and a half scoops of corn?” There shouldn’t be anything endearing about this; it’s painfully obvious that he’s never had a retail job in his life, the way he’s asking for substitutions and exact amounts. The fucking upspeak, the way he’s so focused, his owlish eyes peering down at the toppings station like anything about this is important. God, but he still likes him, though. 

“Why did you really ask me to get food?” Steve asks through a mouthful of food. He swipes at his mouth with his hand as some lettuce falls out of it.

“Uh,” Billy says. He feigns having to chew more, mashing the food in his mouth to a fine paste as he tries to think of something to say that won’t come off as desperate. Finally, he swallows. “I just...I like you. Not, like, like you or anything serious...I don’t want anything like that,” he rushes to reassure Steve, who stares at him, still chewing. “But I just. Think you’re cooler than Tommy. And you, like. I feel like you kind of get it. More than other people,” he finishes lamely, and refuses to look at Steve’s face, instead picking at his vegetarian tacos, even though they’re gross and dry. Billy hates Chipotle. 

“Tommy _is_ the worst,” Steve says. Billy finally works up the courage to sneak a look at him, and he’s smiling gently at Billy, a little dribble of sour cream running down his chin. 

Billy feels his stomach, like, flatten. There’s a part of him that feels like Steve can see right through him, knows exactly how much Billy likes him. 

“And I get it,” Steve says, running his tongue along his teeth and sitting back in his chair.

_Friends._

(They make out in Steve’s car in the parking lot for _literally_ 2 hours.

Billy "accidentally" queues "Fade Into You." He's not _familiar_ with this streaming platform, _okay?_ )

**Author's Note:**

> hello here is my defense of soft!billy in this universe because boyyy is he soft guys:  
> 1\. i personally feel like, if we take billy’s interactions with steve in s2 to be flirting (u know i do), it’s so brazen and shameless and homoerotic precisely because billy knows he has no chance!! he’s like might as well fuck around and fuck with this straight boy i think is hot because why not, no one’s going to think i’m being serious. BUT i think that when steve removes the protective veil of heterosexuality from their relationship, billy clams up and turns into a blushy stuttering little fool. this, coupled with the phenomenon where queer ppl never get to be thirteen and excited and open about their crushes and that whole developmental stage is set back, means that billy, upon discovering reciprocated sexual feelings from his crush, turns into an awkward, bashful, inexperienced little thirteen-year-old.  
> 2\. also i think that, while there are still great great strides to be made towards eradicating toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia, 2019 billy is a lot more validated by the outside world that being gay isn’t this terrible, shameful secret he has to hold in all by himself and hate himself for!!! there is a league of difference between the socialization of 1985 and 2019 billies imo. obviously billy is still dealing with neil and having such a negative and abusive relationship with him leaves him acting out, the way many abused children act out. but i feel like in my characterization and conceptualization of billy as a queer character in canon, a lot of that anger would come from this internal feeling that something is really, really wrong with him. 2019 billy is angry and hurt and on some level blaming himself for his father’s homophobic abuse, but he’s also receiving outside validation from media and other people and like the american psychiatric association that being queer isn’t a bad thing. and i think that changes the way he would interface with the world.  
> 3\. dacre montgomery played billy as Soft and that is all the validation i need
> 
> ALSO i want to be clear that i am a spotify user and i literally have no idea how apple music works and i probably never will, sorry.
> 
> title from mazzy star's "fade into you" lmao


End file.
